Sunday, March 13, 2005

When insomnia kicks in ...

Can't sleep tonight, staying at my parent's house, it's 3 in the morning. Can't be more somber than ever. Not worrying, not upset by anything, I guess I blame the black tea of the Chinese restaurant.

On a saturday night, around this time, I could easily be half drunk, being hammered by post-drunk headaches and in deep dream-less sleep, with shoes still on my feet.

Or I would be tired from a week's errands, work, chores, mundane daily routines and felt into light sleep of dreaming weird things that I don't remember the next morning.

But not tonight. It's a sleepless night tonight.

I could remember on a insominiac night like this, I would be scribbling my notepad with to-dos and ideas for projects. Some of those on my list would be my own website, a painting about the scene outside my window, my headboard, my unfinished piece of jewellry... so on, so forth.

Yet tonight, with Coralie Clement's voice singing softly in the background, I am thinking... Is it a blessing to not have anyone to worry, to miss? Or is it a shame? Would I be the subject of the wandering mind of someone who's also awake in the middle of the night?

I wonder.

Without sounding like Carrie in Sex in the City pondering about relationships, it always hard for an individual to take a position in relationship. When you are single, you long for meeting someone. When you are with someone, you wonder will it last. There's always worries and concerns on the back of your mind. In the game of finding luv, I especially like one of her quotes, "some people are settling down, some people are settling, some people never settles for anything less." Is "settling down" settling in some way? With limited supply of subject of affection, is it even possible to not to settle anything for less? Is there such thing as "the one"?

I wonder.

At 3:21 am, it's starless and quiet in the sky of Markham.

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